We still haven’t found out whether we’re having a boy or a
girl, but either way naming that kid is going to be an intimidating process. Esquire
and I have discussed names off and on since we found out we were having a baby. Usually our conversations about baby names are short.
“Hey, do you like this random name I thought of?”
“It’s not my favorite. What about this random name?”
“Eh, it’s okay but I wouldn’t want to name our baby that random name.”
And so on and so forth. Occasionally, we come across one
that we both consider to be less than terrible, but for the most part we just
haven’t had any great light bulb moments.
Part of our problem stems from the fact that I am incredibly
picky about names. I think that your name has a lot of power in your life and I
don’t want to strap my child with a name that means “foulmouthed badger” or
“weak warrior”. Not that those are real examples, but I want names that bestow
a feeling of value and something that my child should strive to live up to.
My first and middle names mean “Supplanter” and “Who is like
God”. To supplant is to take something and replace it with something better.
Ever since I discovered what my name means, I’ve felt like it was part of who I
am to strive to be a better version of myself. That power truly comes from
Christ alone, yet I can make choices every day to live in a way that is
glorifying and pleasing to God.
Esquire’s full name is actually the same as his father and
grandfather and it was very special for him growing up that he was “The Third”.
Now that we are looking into baby names, we are debating the merits of
continuing that tradition or breaking with tradition and naming our firstborn
son something entirely different.
Boy names are decidedly harder than girl names. First of
all, there aren’t that many boy names that are even in the running. You have to
think about your son as a grown man introducing himself. Sure, “Buddy” is cute
on a young kid, but does it evoke the same level of initial respect that more
traditional names might? I’m not saying that Buddy is a bad name, but you have
to consider all these things!
Girl names are great. You have lots of options and a little
of creativity is acceptable. Yet, with girl names you run the risk of
accidentally naming your daughter something that evokes thoughts of
unattractive women or promiscuous women. Delilah is a beautiful name, but
people will wonder if she is like the vixen who cut Samson’s hair. Dorothy
makes you think of an older, chain smoking receptionist or a girl with red
shoes and strange friends. You might want to name your little sweetie Candy,
but my own mom (Kandi) can testify to a very memorable trip to the dentist when
she was in second grade. Her dentist informed her that she must have been named
after a very famous stripper he knew named Candy Cane.
Too many times parents are tempted by the current trend of
personalizing their favorite name with a very creative spelling. I’m fine with
a letter here and there, but I can assure you we will not be naming our child
anything that remotely resembles L-a (pronounced LaDasha).
Esquire and Jamie’s List of Names We Will Never Name Our
Children
1.
Adolph
2.
Rebel
3.
Finnegan or Bennigan (Come on Finnegan
Hennigan?! That’s horrible!)
4.
Heaven, Nevaeh, or Angel
5.
Edward, Jacob, and Bella (One of these names in
a family is acceptable, but choose ONE. Except Bella… never Bella!)
6.
Ronald or Donald
7.
Simba
8.
Bliss
9.
Tallulah
10.
Timber
11.
Urkel
12.
Rain, Stormy, Misty, or any other overtly
weather related names
13.
Summer, Autumn, Spring, or Winter
14.
North, South, East, or West
15.
Ariel, Jasmine, or Aurora
So, if any of you have these names or children with these
names, don’t worry…We probably aren’t judging you too much.
Unless you name
your child Adolph or Bella. Then you're dead to us ;)
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| See these babies? They just found out their parents named them "Adolph, Bella, and Simba" |
We’d love to hear some of your suggestions for Baby
Hennigan! We'd even welcome the unusual ones!
We'll probably name our kid something strange, but it won't be a name on "Esquire and Jamie's List Of Names We Will Never Name Our Children!"
